Lately I’ve been obsessed with the Wacom drawing tablets at the library and darting into the media room any chance I get. I’m just about to go draw on one, actually, once my meeting’s over and I’ve returned my camera.
Yesterday I hauled my camera around everywhere I went, from my interview with a cafe owner to a protest and a downtown party. At midnight I felt strange and dizzied having occupied so many different spaces within the same physical space.
All because of a camera. I started off using cameras to just document my life, from the most mundane to most hilarious. Now it serves as my segway into certain sociocultural spaces. The camera’s my bridge, my excuse to be present and empathize; it’s my invitation to momentarily inhabit areas I normally wouldn’t. It gives me a glimpse into lives and lifestyles I ordinarily wouldn’t peer into because I just don’t live or feel or experience life the way many others do. But the camera gives me a second to listen, to maybe understand. 1’s and 0’s of digital data, but I see binaries, social constructions, a tizzy of bodies. And as I looked at my photos last night I thought: here’s privilege and oppression embodied. How peculiar it is to visually document both abstractions-realities in a day.
Thursday was a long day. It’s been a long week. I’ve only felt okay enough to peer at recent photos, but otherwise they’ve been left untouched. There’s a lot of emotion, I think, in them, in the people whose anger and blitheness and fear I’ll photograph. I want to do something ‘artistic’ with them, display them in some particular way so it’s cohesive. But that’s something that’s been lacking recently, a sense of real cohesion. I mean, I don’t know. I might just post them on here because this is, like, my little bubble of art-meets-text-meets-photographs. Here, I’d like to capture a snapshot of personal expression while erasing my external identity. Nameless, faceless, just a digital body of expression. Sometimes I wonder if I can operate, to some degree, as anonymous here. That’s something else, though, something unrelated. But perhaps not.
For the most part, I’m just hoping to get lost in art today. Art as solace, art as escapism, art as a way to get very lost in my head. With art, I’m so focused I lose track of time, forget where I am. Flow.