Finding the Why

The other day, I was thinking to myself: it’s always important to know what motivates other people. Sometimes people are motivated by appearance: the appearance of success, the appearance of happiness, the appearance of wealth. And that, in turn, reveals a deeper motivation – maybe for validation or admiration, maybe for likes or for envy … More Finding the Why

Dreaming Reality

Dreams are interesting. And strange. A few nights ago, I dreamt of someone whom I haven’t spoken to in nearly 10 years. The dream was vivid. We were on the phone. I haven’t thought of this person in a while. We were mostly Internet friends who Facebook chatted aggressively in 2012 while ignoring each other … More Dreaming Reality

B&W Film

I photographed strangers, artwork, puppies, toys, store fronts, adults on small trains, humans wearing felt panda heads. It was then that I realized: there is so much whimsicalness in the world. So much strangeness and beauty. I began to shift my perception, seeing my surroundings in blacks and whites, hues and gradients, shadows and bright spots. … More B&W Film

Empty Nest

On a whim, I returned home and decorated my childhood room. I added heaps of pillows, pots of plants. I dusted an old leafy rug to place beneath the cherrygloss side table. I added decorative books, vases, flowers. I’m not sure why I felt compelled to decorate a bed I no longer sleep on – … More Empty Nest

Gratitude Tree

Happy Thanksgiving! This month, I practiced thankfulness by making a Gratitude Tree. Every day, I added a leaf that listed out what I was grateful for. As I generated leaves, I tacked them onto the empty branches – now that it’s Thanksgiving, I have my very own Gratitude Tree: Hope everyone is having a festive, … More Gratitude Tree

Slithering Subconscious

The interesting part, to me, is that when it comes to psychological mechanisms – like the subconscious or defensiveness or cyclical patterns of trauma – is how they occur under the surface, seemingly undetected, causing destruction later on. It’s like an eel slithering under a layer of frozen water. The eel slithers around – slither, … More Slithering Subconscious

Accidental Date II

The best dates are accidental – the bookstore/coffeeshop you didn’t expect, the historic square you didn’t anticipate, the flea market you didn’t know about. Today had all three – the bookstore/coffeeshop, the historic square, the flea market. I had an itch to go somewhere, maybe a bookstore or coffeeshop, preferably somewhere with space, parking, novelties, … More Accidental Date II

Like Fish in Water

Lately, we’ve been on the same wavelength in slightly eerie, but mostly sweet, ways. Like how he’ll dream of a specific situation that I wake up in the morning drawn to. Or how we’ll both blurt out “thanks for cleaning the apartment” and “thank you for putting your stuff up” at the same time. Or … More Like Fish in Water

Déjà Vu

Le beau took me to the unpaved trail by the lake. When our bikes hit the loose gravel, I was reminded of the time we went off-roading in Colorado. On the trail, my legs burned. It was up, up, up, and then down. And then back up. We then turned back around, where I felt … More Déjà Vu

Stream

We’re all the same type of people, loners who love and lone together, and there is no other relationship more fulfilling than knowing that you’re someone else’s person (not even in a romantic context) and they’re yours. … More Stream

Stories We Craft

One psychology article that stuck with me revolved around happiness and memory. How our happiness, or lack thereof, goes hand-in-hand with the stories we craft. The stories of our lives, the stories of ourselves. These stories help us create meaning and to make sense of the world around us. … More Stories We Craft

The Morning

Like a two year old, I’m starting to re-marvel at the mind, and how the people around us can only infer so much from the things we deliberately say. It’s like that quote from Murakami I always circle back to, whenever I feel tired or misunderstood or whatever: “I sometimes think that people’s hearts are like deep wells. Nobody knows what’s at the bottom. All you can do is imagine by what comes floating to the surface every once in a while.” … More The Morning

Daily Blog #474 : Of writing and telling people too much

I suppose in the end it’s a desperate struggle to make room for yourself in this world, by leaving behind stories, hoping they’ll suffice and be able to construct a near perfect image of our souls. A carbon dating for the experiences we’ll have buried. It’s terrifying, the yawning void. I used to be scared … More Daily Blog #474 : Of writing and telling people too much

Train Station

In a half awake haze, I saw myself sitting at a train station. It looked like the train station on 34st. I was sitting on the train bench outside, waiting for the train to arrive. Waiting and waiting. So I waited and waited and waited and waited. At some point, though, I realized that the … More Train Station

Whim

As I laid there, pretending to sleep, I realized that the best decisions of my life were all impulsive. Done on a whim. A day before, I would never have imagined that I’d do what I did, but I did. Without any planning. Without any rational. And yet it’d shape up to be one of … More Whim

Cherub

I’m like a small crying cherub filled with helium always on the verge of flying into the clouds and as if I’m on a string le beau will pull me down and remind me to be here with me now